He love's me He love's me not!

I remember thinking when I was a younger babe, I will have an amazing life, beautiful family and a wonderful home! I saw all the tv shows, picture books and magazine depict these images and therefore I was sold on it. I also grew up in a picturesque home myself,  mom and pop and dad and step mom! Im guessing that having morals has not been the key to having a successful partnership in anything! Business, nope! Friendship, nope! Spiritual, nope!  Relationships, hell no! So, lets rethink this I thought a long the way, but I don't want to be dogmatic or corrupt, mean or cruel, ahhhh or the worse to me a USER in order for me to have working relationships. So let me not get ahead of myself because this post is about something a little different than the picture I'm painting, don't want to confuse you yet I did need to state the above facts for you to understand where I'm going with this! As I sip on my cocktail

yes one was needed as I get real personal with this one. By the way Shellback clear rum is amazing,  yes it is. Back to the post. Ahhh yes He love's me, He love's me not! I had the worst marriage ever. I am ok to say it now and it's the truth. Our friendship was great, marriage a parade of booooooo's! We had absolutely no business getting married! But we let all the things that people say are great reasons to get married, marry us!  Religion, waited to have sex after we were married, credit and money was cool, purchased a home together, all the shit you think is supposed to hold you down. Well I'm here to tell you straight with no chaser, literally, not!  None of that shit matters and I mean none of it, if the people involved don't love God, themselves and EACH OTHER!  Sounds simple right, I know everything always does. 

     LOVE, is unconditional and should be non emotional!  Love, has nothing to do with what I will and will not do for you. It's not a tool, commerce, exchange for goods or items!

It is however energy, food/nutrients, necessary, a life line, motivation, encouragement and support!

When you know that there is love the environment is a thriving, anything is possible because there is a wonder that exist that can carry you further than one can imagine. LOVE is GOD! We all know when that is present in your spirit, soul and heart all things are possible!

     So in my release of this loveless relationship (give thanks) I had my aha moment ( for the record, I dislike that saying, but any who) what if you took some time Cleo to re-discover what was missing and what it is you will need to have better relationships altogether!  Yes, let's do that! For two years I was an understudy of Love (that will be another blog)! In short what I learned, love only needed me!  I was busy looking for reciprocation, kinda needy(hey the truth hurts)because that was what I was taught love should be like an exchange, you love me, I love you!  Our whole entire worlds would crash if and when we tell someone I love you and they don't say it back. New day, uh hello. I will never wait again for the "right time to tell someone you love them and then die if they don't say it back"! Yeah, so never doing that again!

     I began to think about a mother and a child in the womb  the child knows nothing of this love but the mother automatically loves her unborn child not looking for anything in exchange, it's actually impossible because that child hasn't been born to display any feeling yet. Thats super unconditional love! Haaaa! So I said to myself, self my next intimate relationship I will love him like an unborn baby, no expectations! Guess what, it was amazing! It was the best relationship I ever had.  Because I decided it wasn't that important to have conditional Love. It was most important that I was the Love! He saw that and caught on. No traditional mess. Just unconditional love. No picking daises running around singing he love's me, he love's me not.  I love'd me and then love'd him! ahhhhh, life is good!

don't forget the three L's love, life and laughter!

What do you hide behind?

     My granny used to say, "honey there is not enough makeup in the whole wide world to hide the pain in your eye's"! I would hear her say that to my aunts as they tried to mask the heartbreak of a relationship gone bad.  Today it seems like everyone is hiding behind something.  A computer screen, designer shades, tinted windows of a fancy car or a big house in a gated community! You ever think (well let's say your the one in the conversation or relationship telling the absolute truth) does anyone even care about having authentic conversations or relationships that may show the transperency and vulnerability in one's core shell to be seen. Should we even be having thought provoking communication with individuals who don't care enough to let us be our authentic selves even if that means we are having an off day. So if everyone that we surround our selves with has to make it a point to be "ON" all the time or even fake just to be appealing how healthy is that?  Why do we hide at all? Aren't we loved enough to just be ourselves, what ever that is! Well what ever environment you foster is what you will most likely be or become. If it's a bunch of material ladened energy pushed, what happens when you can no longer produce that, are you still acceptable, RELEVANT?  I guess that's why we have so many toxic sayings like, fell off, wack, no longer hot, how old are they! Yes, this may be a lot to think about since we don't like to think anymore especially if it means we will have to do some work to do better! Here is a thought though, I am going to make a conscious effort to do and be me, on and off! Believing that the cats I run with will be like, I'm cool with that, Cleo is just being her authentic self!
peace love laughter and good living!

What makes you feel good!

You know sometimes you have to get up out of the bed and say, today I am going to do what feels good to me! Making sure that your spirit and soul is fed is an essential part of your daily get down! Sometimes I just like to lay there in my bed with some soft music playing and think, meditate on what I would like to be and what is possible to be.  Some may say I don't have the luxury of time for that and I say to you that is not a truth! Wake up earlier  or go to bed earlier so you can spend some mind time alone. I love massages and they're so affordable, especially a foot massage. I love museums and galleries. Creative energy stimulates my mind and excites my inner freshness! I love window shopping and a good lunch with a crazy fun friend! You don't always have to spend a lot of money to feel good either. You can go to a poetry reading or a book signing! Making love is an excellent feel good exercise or cuddling is another way to get those feel good endorphins going, those can last all day well into the week! Community work is an excellent way to get that smile on and not just yours but others, so get out and volunteer! What I'm saying is you have the right to feel good! Now go out and figure what it takes to get you there everyday! 3L's love life and laughter!

Life really is like a box of chocolates!

On this beautiful Wednesday God gave most of us life but on this day he called home an amazing being, "The Great Dr. Maya Angelou"! Today we all will say that we were glad to have been in the presence of someone so brilliant! With every written word momma Maya captivated audiences and held minds and hearts in the palm of her hands.  A lyricist, griot, word maverick, mother of nation, queen and warrior! She had the energy of a fearless goddess entertaining the likes of champs, presidents, activists and royalty! Without a doubt she was a voice for women of a darker hue as well as voice for the voiceless! Speaking truths of struggle, real beauty and sometimes the pain of "Black America" as some would call and see it! With over 50 years of remarkable written works, Dr. Angelou traveled and lectured extensively almost up until she was called home!

Below are some interesting facts about mother Maya!

Multi-talented barely seems to cover the depth and breadth of Maya Angelou's accomplishments. She is an author, actress, screenwriter, dancer and poet. Born Marguerite Annie Johnson, Angelou had a difficult childhood. Her parents split up when she was very young, and she and her older brother, Bailey, were sent to live with their father's mother, Anne Henderson, in Stamps, Arkansas.

As an African American, Angelou experienced firsthand racial prejudices and discrimination in Arkansas. She also suffered at the hands of a family associate around the age of 7: During a visit with her mother, Angelou was raped by her mother's boyfriend. Then, as vengeance for the sexual assault, Angelou's uncles killed the boyfriend. So traumatized by the experience, Angelou stopped talking. She returned to Arkansas and spent years as a virtual mute.

We will keep her son and grandson in our prayers and her extended family, friends and fans!

God bless you love, see you on the other side!

Why is being an asshole more attractive?

     Coming off of what I would call an impressive three day weekend, there were a couple of challenges!  Yes, even the Oakland Oprah had some struggles this here memorial weekend. Was dating this guy who I thought was a really nice, cool guy!  Educated, spiritual and handsome! How do I proceed without incriminating myself, hmmmmnnn! Okay here goes! So the dating has been going on for about 2 months and for him to be such a talkative fella when it comes to matters of the heart "crickets"! So let me say this, I am really not sure where dating should lead me, I have to be honest. I am having a lot of fun but I am finding it difficult understanding roles and if I should be asking, hey um where is this going? Like when do you ask that? Is it okay to have multiple sexual partners (as long as I'm safe, duh)? Yes, so there are a lot of questions when dating multiple people!
     Can you be honest and say, so yeah your not the only one or three Im dating. Or do you shut up and don't say shit!  This is seriously new to me because I have only ever dated just one person in hopes that that one person would perhaps become my husband. Well been there done that and it was a complete FAIL!  So now I am officially dating like 3 or 4! It's a lot of work, a lot of emotions and a lot of time! So the one guy that I was really considering making the number one, started acting super weird!
     Up until that he was kind, respectful, official!  It was okay for him to initiate the dates but the moment I started suggesting things to do, it got different! He was like, ummm, hmmm, yeah so let me see? I was like wtf is this? I was a little tried about it to, so I said fuck it, you do you and Im gonna do me. Low and behold soon as I started being an asshole, it was like what are you doing, where you at, can I see you?  Insert "blank stare"? So when I was trying to initiate a more active role you were not feeling me but the minute I say fuck this shit I don't care one way or the other you're like wait don't forget about "ME"!  TOTALLY CONFUSED! I want to care but I'm in a space where I don't understand and I just don't get It! Now the new guy I'm dating, well let's just say he can hell of kiss good and you, you may just be on the midnight train to Georgia, solo!  In closing I really just want to say, I want to be in a loving space all the time, I don't want to be an asshole just to get my just due. But don't force my hand!

sorry for the typos! did this one on speaker!

It is Memorial Day and what a great day it is!

Just so that we're clear!

Seems like giving black folks credit for anything in America except crime and poverty is controversial.

And the origin of Memorial Day is no different. Some want to say it started out as "Decoration Day," which was started in northern states in 1868, or that the first Civil War soldier's grave ever decorated was in Warrenton, Virginia, on June 3, 1861, implying the first Memorial Day occurred there. However, in my opinion laying flowers on a grave doesn't meet the standard.

The overriding consensus is that the first "Memorial Day" was organized and held by former slaves in Charleston, S.C. in 1865 to honor Union troops who lost their lives in the Civil War and were buried nearby.  Here's part of the Wikipedia entry:

The first widely publicized observance of a Memorial Day-type observance after the Civil War was in Charleston, South Carolina, on May 1, 1865. During the war, Union soldiers who were prisoners of war had been held at the Charleston Race Course; at least 257 Union prisoners died there and were hastily buried in unmarked graves. Together with teachers and missionaries, black residents of Charleston organized a May Day ceremony in 1865, which was covered by the New York Tribune and other national papers. The freedmen cleaned up and landscaped the burial ground, building an enclosure and an arch labeled, "Martyrs of the Race Course." Nearly ten thousand people, mostly freedmen, gathered on May 1 to commemorate the war dead. Involved were about 3,000 school children newly enrolled in freedmen's schools, mutual aid societies, Union troops, black ministers, and white northern missionaries.   Most brought flowers to lay on the burial field. Today the site is used as Hampton Park.  Years later, the celebration would come to be called the "First Decoration Day" in the North.

David W. Blight described the day:

"This was the first Memorial Day. African Americans invented Memorial Day in Charleston, South Carolina. What you have there is black Americans recently freed from slavery announcing to the world with their flowers, their feet, and their songs what the war had been about. What they basically were creating was the Independence Day of a Second American Revolution.”

Even though I'm a military veteran, I didn't even know that history until I saw this on Twitter yesterday:

KHARY PENEBAKER @kharyp  ·  May 24
#MemorialDay was started by former slaves on May 1 1865 in Charleston, SC to honor 257 dead Union Soldiers #UniteBlue

Great stuff.

Happy Memorial Day!!

Just the facts jack, peace

I was hoping we could find a way!

Happy Sunday my loves. Yesterday, not trying to make this a trend but let's talk about yesterday! It was a huge struggle! I think I lost a friend but gained some new information about self! I again found myself ready to sacrifice what it was I needed to be needed! Who does that, uhhhhh apparently me! Why? Im asking the same damn thing! Well one thing is evident I need to find a way, a way to love me one hundred per cent and not compromise my whole self just to be in any relationship with anyone be it friends or lovers! I have to be ok with being by myself! So Cleo Cartel I was hoping you could find a way, to just be ok with ONE!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxGkLOY0lwI

So it's been a while, let's not harp on that!

So I have been on my creative hype. Painting as many originals as I possibly can! I just feel that I needed to make sure if I leave this earth there is a lot of beautiful things that I created left behind. A little bit of my story, maybe will become history? Who knows but that's what I have been up to! Here are some of the awesomeness. ENJOY!

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